If you've ever read any of these posts, or you know me in person, you'll know I'm not quite your average gal. I'm a bit odd, or rather, a lot odd. But that's terrible English. It's not even that I've got some unusual hobby or interest, I just don't think on the same wavelength as most of the human race. And I accept that because if everyone was the same it would be awfully boring. And I'd probably only have about 1% of the anecdotes I have today if I was a stereotypical female. Fuck that. There's a lot of things that a lot of people adore, that are things I hate with every inch of my being. So I thought I'd let you know what they are. And I can guarantee that some of you reading this will love every one of them. Don't hate me, I love you too. Maybe.
1) A Cup Of Tea
People say a cup of tea can solve everything. Well I can tell you one thing it won't solve - my thirst. I don't get the tea hype. I get that I'm English and I'm meant to bathe in the stuff, but it tastes like a weird hot milky water, which it essentially is. It has no taste. At least with water you can convince yourself that your body is now a temple and you're now a clean eater. With tea, you can only convince yourself that you're an old woman waiting for Bargain Hunt to start. No no. And if you choose a cup of tea over a glass of wine? Girl you better be allergic to grapes to go making those bad life decisions. Shut that shit down now.
2) Cats
Urghhhhhhhhhh. Where do I begin with cats? I hate them. Disclaimer. I don't hate every cat in the world. Some of my best friends have cats, and whilst I question that choice, I have to say that I, like is a strong word, but mildly tolerate them. But as for the rest of the feline kingdom? God no. Cats are the type of animals that as soon as your bag is turned, they would kill your family. They have probably thought about it at least 50 times a day. I can guarantee if any animal would take over the world and make us slaves, it's the cat. Whilst I admire their lack of giving a shit, their shadiness is too far. And this causes a massive problem in my life seeing as 99.99% of lesbians are cat people. Sometimes life is unnecessarily too hard.
3) Girls Moaning About Being Single
We all know them. They're the girls who sit in the corner at predrinks with whatever unfortunate person came last so had to claim the final remaining empty seat, and therefore now have to spend their night listening to the one girl's woes about how she is still single and how she just wants a boyfriend before she's alone forever. Cats are normally referenced at least 3 times. If a girl is that desperate for a boyfriend, then they're living their life wrong. Everyone should live their life in a way where an extra person isn't essential, just the occasional added bonus. What I'm saying is if you're desperate for a boyfriend (or girlfriend) then you're not having enough fun. Live your life. Do what you want to do. Be selfish. But not selfish in a way where you bore everyone else with your single moaning. Being single is amazing. I could write a book on it. Make the most of it, before you have to text someone your whereabouts and have to see someone one on one every day for the rest of your life, and then bore everyone else with your shit relationship stories. When you're single the only stories you have is how you ended up being sick on yourself somewhere. Much better anecdote than a romantic meal, trust me.
4) Breaking Bad
Popular culture has told me that apparently Breaking Bad was the greatest programme to have ever been created in human existence. I found it constantly boring. Granted my television tastes are as tacky and basic bitch as they get, but all I'm saying is, if I spoke about X Factor as much as some people speak about Breaking Bad, I wouldn't have any friends. Let's reflect on that. Especially now with Better Call Saul. Again, if I spoke about Xtra Factor, an equally impressive spin off, no one would ever talk me to again. We cool? Cool.
5) The Beatles
I've mentioned this before. I live in Liverpool, which as wonderful a place as it is, likes to constantly remind us The Beatles came from here. There's tours, museums, hotels, statues, bars, shops, all devoted to them. We forget that a little known band called Atomic Kitten also came from here. Give me an Atomic Kitten themed bar and that will happily be where I will spend most of my days, serenading tourists with Whole Again.
6) Murder Mystery Programmes
Unfortunately I still live with my parents because I'm a graduate in this shit economy where the only job I can get is a part time customer assistant. But that's life. And my complaints about that are for a whole other blog. Living with my parents means I have to spend time with them. Or I would if they didn't have an obsession with watching every single murder mystery series under the sun. ITV doesn't help my quality of life. Every night it's a new one. And just when a series ends, out crawls Miss Marple for her 4956th crime solving adventure. Bless her, but someone needs to tell her to just settle down with a brandy and a Cliff Richard album. I'm not blaming murder mystery shows for forcing me to go the pub and drink, but I also am at the same time.
7) Egg Mayonnaise
If I became ruler of the world and could ban one thing on this planet, it's egg mayonnaise sandwiches. Words can't even begin to describe my hate. I'd rather wear a dress every day for the rest of my life than eat an egg mayonnaise sandwich every day for breakfast. And I can't deal with wearing any dress at all. It's got to the point where I completely question someone's life judgement if they choose to buy one. Literally if someone gets one in work, I know that if we ever met outside the shop we would never be friends. I don't think I could happily marry someone knowing that they choose to eat that type of sandwich. I sound dramatic, but I'm being deadly serious. It's not a life decision I can get on board with.
8) Dignity and Self Respect
It doesn't take a genius to work out that this would sneak it's way onto the list. It's such a surprise for you all, I'm sure, for me to say I have no dignity remaining anymore. I used to, when I was a mere young 18 year old, apparently straight, girl. I even managed to go to Magaluf and keep all my self respect. And then I came back, started uni and turned into the monster that we all know and love today. However, I think having all your dignity intact at this age is overrated. So what if I have an inherent ability to mess my life up on a weekly basis at 4am. So what if I wake up and realise I sent a drunk message or 50. So what if I accidentally kiss a boy. Do I regret these actions. Not at all. I'm young, these are fantastic stories to tell and I believe they help you progress in making better life decisions. If I was boring and had all the class then I wouldn't know the things I know now. Such as never get in a taxi with someone who claims he's having an after party, which has happened an alarming amount of times lately. But lesson learnt.
9) People moaning about how overrated Nandos is *
This country is divided. Not on politics or the apparent North South divide. No no. It's divided on whether Nandos is overrated or as amazing as people talk about. Personally I love a good Nandos. Take me there and buy me chicken and you're probably my new favourite person. Take me there on a date and I probably won't be changing my Facebook relationship status anytime soon. But what is overrated is how often people like to moan about Nandos being overrated. No food establishment as ever had quite the effect. The fact that people want to start a conversation about whether a piece of chicken is as good as someone claims it is, is beyond me. Does anyone care that I'm a lemon and herb gal. No they do not. And neither does anyone care about just how good you imagined it to be and just how much of a letdown it is. Move on with your life. Read a book. Or at least watch something on Netflix. Get over this conversation topic and we could all live a happier life.
10) Mcdonalds on A Hangover *
This is the epitome of terrible life choices. You wake up, you're probably a little bit drunk if you've lived your life right, you're starving as you feel a hangover slowly creep up you think you've found a solution: Mcdonalds. Nothing will make you feel as amazing as that Chicken legend meal you think. So if you've got a hero friend, you manage to get that Mcdonalds, and you eat it and you think all is well in this world. Then it hits you. The real hangover. I genuinely believe Mcdonalds have a substance to kick start your hangover into causing you intense hell for the rest of the day. It's never a cure, only a cause. If I have a Mcdonalds I can guarantee I will have to spend the rest of the day in a Netflix hole because I'm too hungover to contemplate movement or socialising or making the most of my life. It's a curse, not a blessing.
So there it is, 10 things I think are completely overrated and I can't deal with. Let me know what you think either on the comments below, on my Facebook page here: https://www.facebook.com/fatfunnyfabulous or on my Twitter @fatfunnybecca or even on my personal twitter if you're feeling daring enough (@beccafadden). Thank you all so much for the continued support, it means the world :)
Stay Sassy xo
*thanks to Beckie for suggesting these to me, if only I could take all the credit
