The Last Graduate Left On The Pile

When you first think about going to university, you think being a graduate means you are an official adult, with a full time job and your own place, well on your way to having an amazing career in whatever you want. How wrong this is. In reality being a graduate means living with your parents, hating living at your parents (unless you like them), trying to get a full time job and eventually succeeding apparently, never having money, and still drinking a lot of alcohol and wasting your life away. In the first year of graduation, you often get 'Post uni blues' when you have no job, no income, no life and you're probably on the dole and scraping together a bit of copper for a rogue pint. But then as time moves on, people get actual jobs and start actual careers and don't want to get drunk all the time and get into intense and serious relationships where they want to have a mortgage and flute playing children together, and then they start to instagram avocado on toast and you know you've lost them to adulthood forever. Fortunately, that isn't me. I am the last graduate left on the pile. 

Here's what I mean. I graduated about 18 months ago. When I first graduated I was unemployed for about 6 months, on the dole, and hated life. All I looked forward to was my weekly night out in which I'd probably end up crying on to my best friend's shoulder about my lack of prospects, after way to many Raz bombs. And then thankfully I got a part time job. And 2015 happened. I had some money, enough to buy wine and cigarettes and taxis. I had many a night out. I got into a relationship. I made a whole load of new friends. I gained a whole load of checked shirts. I got a whole lot sassier. It was a good year. But then I realised that whilst I had an amazing year socially and wouldn't change that for the world, loads of my friends had changed. They had full time jobs and potential careers, they attended less social plans, they were less available, they responded slower to my texts, they became intense about weird areas of their lives. Whilst I was still applying for my dream job and living my youthful life, they were getting serious about stuff and getting shit done. Don't get me wrong, I got a lot of shit done, even if I have been attempting to "sort my room out" for a year. I applied for every job that matched what I wanted to do, attended my interviews, but just didn't get the jobs. It's all an experience. But as one of the last ones without an intense job, I noticed a few differences...

Disclaimer: obviously this doesn't go for everyone, this is more just about explaining my way of life than offending. And if you think this directly applies to you, it doesn't, I'm lucky enough to know more people than just you so it's generalising. 

1) I am constantly free

I only work 12 hours a week, which means I have a lot of free time for activities. Most people I know work about 40 hours a week, which means I don't have anyone to spend my free time with. And this is a horrifying fact for me. Because it means I have to spend a lot of time on my phone and I constantly crave social interaction so it's basically torture. There's only so much Netflix a girl can watch before she wants to throw some shade with her faves. Whereas I find people who work a lot enjoy time on their own more, because it's the first time they can relax all day/week/month. So I understand that unlike me, who wants social plans in every second of my free time, they like a night in without anyone else. And I admire people who are busy. I would love nothing more than when someone asks me if I'm free, be able to schedule them in for an evening three weeks on Thursday. Unfortunately, that would require me to spend every evening until then on my own, pestering people on whatsapp and snapchat. 

2) I am a very quick replier

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am an alarmingly quick replier (most of the time). Because I'm mostly just doing my own thing, waiting for someone to text me, I am always next to my phone. So when it's my lucky week and I finally receive a message, I reply instantly in the hope they will reply instantly and I can spend my day having a conversation. Unfortunately, everyone I know is normal and have things to do with their day so are too busy to reply. Or they just hate me. Either way it means I literally spend years of my life, looking at my phone, willing a message to come through. And it never does. But because I am a mature independent woman, I've took up Candy Crush so now my phone serves more than one purpose. However if you take over a day to reply, unfortunately you are, in fact, a dick. 

3) I am, still, always up for a night out

I don't work weekends, I wouldn't be able to handle giving up a weekly night out because I'm a social whore. A lot of people I know work weekends, and I truly admire them. It's hard enough for me to spend a night in on a Friday if I've got tonsillitis, never mind every week because they have work the next day. And then they have to wake up and watch countless snapchat stories of drunk superstars singing Adele anywhere and everywhere. And even if people don't work weekends, after a full week of work they see the weekend as "quiet time" to "catch up on life" and don't want to spend it nursing a hangover. No. There's more chance of me marrying a man than wanting to spend a weekend indoors alone. And I definitely don't want to marry a man. Unless his name is Zac Efron or Tyler Blackburn. 

In conclusion, don't grow up too fast. Once you start a life with endless mortgages and bills and lose the element of fun in your life, it can be too late. Once you stay in for a year and don't text your mates back, they will be different people. Once you become a shadow of your former self and only eat kale or talk about bae, no one will like you. 

Stay Sassy xo

How to Survive Christmas: The Drinking Game

The festive period is upon us. At the time of writing, Christmas is literally tomorrow. I'm a fan of Christmas. I love a good festive jumper. I love a good mulled wine. I love a good present, no matter how shit it is. If it's really shit, I won't even sell it on eBay - only because I'm officially banned from it for life but it's the thought that counts. Some say Christmas is a big family time, and it probably is. I don't have a close extended family so I spend most of it with the parents and the family I choose, my best friends because they are a lot more fun than a rogue unsassy relative who doesn't know what a strong eyebrow game is, or even what my actual name is. I'm not about that life. 

But whoever you spend your Christmas with, you're going to have your hurdles, and you're definitely going to want to be drunk by the end of it. Which is where I come into it. Welcome to my official Christmas drinking game. Applicable to any drink over 9%. If you're drinking below then please assess your priorities in life, you may as well drink lemonade. If you are being a weakling, then double any amount listed below. You are all welcome.

Please note: this is a tried and tested way of having a good Christmas. I trialled it a few years ago when a few rogues where in attendance and it works like a treat, and since then it is now a Fadden family tradition. 

Drink once when...

...when someone says "Merry Christmas" or anything of that note.

...when someone talks about "what a nice day it has been" or anything of that note.

...when ever you receive a Christmas text from someone who you forgot actually existed. 

...whenever someone jokes about not liking turkey. And then proceeds to have 10 plates of Turkey. 

...for every bite of Christmas Pudding that you have. Lord knows everyone needs help eating that stuff.

...when ever a family member blatantly exaggerates a story to another family member. 

...when ever someone mentions how full they are and couldn't possibly eat another thing.

...when every that same person eats another thing. 

...when someone you don't want to talk to decides to talk to you. 

...you're asked "what you're up to nowadays".

...you see a Christmas selfie on any social network. Animals included. 

...when a board game is brought out.

...when someone gets in a mood about losing that board game. 

Drink twice when...

...everytime you see a Christmas jumper. Even if it's the same person walking in and out of the room. 

...for every drunk text you send. It'll happen. Suffer the consequences. God help whoever is in my contact book. 

...for every successful family member that is NOT you is mentioned. 

...when ever someone falls asleep. 

...if someone awkwardly mentions religion. 

...if someone makes a terrible joke. Not including cracker jokes. They're hilarious. 

...for every argument you have. 

Drink three times when...

...everytime your mum cries at the Downton Abbey finale.

...a relative tells you that you've put on weight. 

...a relative tells you that you've lost weight. 

...for every unfunny Snapchat you receive off a rogue, with them probably wearing a Christmas cracker hat. 

...for every hilarious Snapchat you receive off me.  

...some dick posts a photo on Facebook of all the presents bae got them. Bonus drink if it includes an essay status about how in love they are. 

...for every awkward family selfie you have to see on Facebook or Snapchat. No. If my mum wants a photo with me she can come to the Raz smoking area on Friday night and get one then, after buying me a drink. 

Take a shot when...

...someone references a dead relative. RIP. Pass the tequila. 

...your mum shouts at you for "getting in the way" when you were just topping up your drink because someone has cried. 

Down your drink...

...if someone cries. If you've got a drama queen amongst you, get ready to be drunk quickly.

...if someone sings Adele. Good luck to whoever I see tomorrow. 

...if someone dies. 

...if you run out of Yorkshire Puddings. 

...when someone inevitably announces their engagement on Facebook. 

...in any awkward silence. 

...if you get a card with no money in. 


I thoroughly hope you enjoy this game and your Christmas. If you're sober by 10.30pm I truly admire you and everything you've been through. I won't be. 

Stay Sassy xo

11 Types of People Everyone Has On Snapchat

Firstly, apologies for the 5-month delay on a new blog. I’d love to say I’ve been exotically travelling to some far away land or had some life-changing event occur but essentially it’s just been filled with a lot of wine, Netflix and tweeting about the wine and the Netflix. Plus a lot of nights out with my faves. But now I’m actually going to post regular blogs and get a grip of my life out. Sort of. So here we go…

Snapchat. You know what they say, can’t live with it, can’t live without it. I can’t live without it. I am obsessed. Probably because it allows me to nose at other people’s lives without feeling like the true Facebook stalker I know I am. It also gives me another place to shamelessly post selfies when my hair looks nice on that one day each year and on every other day of the year when it looks less nice. I’ll openly admit I’m a nightmare on Snapchat. I am that girl who’s story is over 130 seconds long and it’s full of me pouting, miming to songs and 10 second moments from my night out which I think is hilarious but is really absolutely diabolical when I see it the next day. I accept all of that, and still carry on. And I genuinely think I’m hilarious. However it has come to my attention that there are so many people who need to calm their Snapchat game down, and being the kind citizen I am, I’m going to point each one of them out now.

N.B. If I’ve got you on Snapchat and you’re one of these poor souls, don’t take offense. If you were that annoying I would have deleted you already.

1) The ones who clearly do have someone from Tinder on there

You can see them from a mile away. Their selfies are always on point. Any video is put up to show that they are clearly hilarious and know how to have fun. They will put up many a group shot and group video to prove they have friends and don’t really need an extra addition to their lives, even though they are on Tinder and want you to message them back immediately. And you know they are checking regularly to see if that one true Tinder love has seen their Snapchat. And as soon as they have, up goes another on point selfie. They wouldn’t be seen dead posting an average photo of themselves up. I’m not even ashamed, this was definitely me when I was single, no regrets.

2) The ones who clearly don't have someone from Tinder on there

This group just doesn’t care. They will post a horrendous hungover photo of themselves. They will post an after gym sweaty selfie. If they’ve tragically caught the flu they will happily post their ill looking face for us all to see. They’re also not bothered if they seem interesting. Whether it’s walking to the shop or watching Emmerdale, we all get to see it because they’ve got no one they are trying to impress. Maybe they’re in a relationship. Maybe they don’t care what people think. Maybe they are just boring characters. But I would much rather post 5 selfies of myself pouting than a photo of me going the gym. Mainly because that would require me to go to the gym.

3) The one who snapchats their food, like all the time 

If I’ve seen one filtered photo of a burger from the latest hipster food place, I’ve seen them all. We get it, you’re pretending that you’re cultural and going to the latest food craze and want to tell everyone you do something else apart from drinking Sambuca on a Friday night. 1 picture is bearable. A photo of every single meal you’ve ever eaten is hell. And even worse than this is the ‘Eat Clean’ brigade. I don’t care that you eat kale and blueberries for fun, if you want to eat nature and less calories than my dog, go wild, just don’t bother telling me about it. You’ll put my microwave chicken tikka masala for one to shame.

4) The one who sends you a snap AND puts it on their story

Don’t do this. No matter how good the snap is, I don’t want to see it twice. And if I did I would rather just rewatch it over and over again on your story like an absolute creep.

5) The Z List celebrity who are constantly “working” doing personal appearances in every below average club that exists

They’re normally from TOWIE or Geordie Shore. The days consist of them sitting in cars telling the front facing camera they have a “busy day of work” ahead of them. The nights consist of them standing in the DJ booth of a shit club shouting into the same front facing camera. And yet I still watch every second of Ferne McCann’s Snapchat story. Every day.

6) The one who constantly has the 300-second long snap of their boring dull life

Oh dear god. This is the person who posts ever little thing they do every day on their story. You are lucky enough to see them getting to wherever they are going. You are even luckier to see everything they do when they get to that place. And to top it all off you get to see what they do when they get home. These are the type of people that are literally giving you RSI from too much repetitive clicking to make it end quicker. These are also the people who love the new Snapchat filters so much that you’ve seen them vomiting rainbows more times than you’ve ever actually vomited yourself.

7) The one who's always in the bath on their story

There’s always one. Normally captioned something like ‘Hard day at work’. If it was that hard you’d be crying into a glass of wine, not showing us your naked legs hidden under some soap bubbles. Girl, get a grip.

8) The one who's always in work and never likes to shut up about it 

You’ve seen the insides of their staffroom more times than you’ve been in yours. You know their working hours because of how much they tell you that they are “bored in work lol”. No. 

9) The one who sends their whole night out every single weekend

This is me. Every single weekend without fail you wake up and begin watching. Not realizing it is a 5 minute epic adventure beginning with a selfie, then predrinks which slowly descends into chaos with a variety of selfies with various friends, then onto town which is a lot of music you can’t quite hear over the shouting of the people in the video and then normally ending with a photo of food, a video of a taxi driver or if you’re really lucky, a video of their friend basically dying. And if you think that’s enough, there’s always a hungover photo coming the next day. Trust me, it’s a lot worse for the poster who watches it with all the shame in the world whilst struggling to remember who all the rogue group selfies in the smoking area are with. And this will happen every weekend ever until Snapchat ceases to exist.

10) The one who spends too much time with bae

I’ve mentioned before how annoying couples are on social media. And Snapchat is no different. These are the people who constantly send photos of a cocktail captioned “date night” and their story consists of constant couple selfies and the overuse of the heart emoji. If I, a social media and Snapchat whore, can manage to be in a relationship and not Snapchat the shit out of it, than all of you mere mortals can too. Because I can promise you not a single person has ever cared about what you and bae are up to. I care more about the economy in Latvia. And I don’t care about that. There’s a rule all annoying social media couples should follow: ‘Will every single person I know find this interesting or is it just me who thinks this photo of us sharing a portion of fries is adorable?” I can assure you that it’s just you. And I can assure you that sharing a portion of fries is the worst idea, get one each you cheap basic bitches.

11) The ones who post the same snapchats just with slightly different captions

Normally occurs on group holidays or group outings that you weren’t invited on. They all post the same picture including an inside joke but with a slightly different caption because they are “individual” when really they are all just as dull as each other. And the stories always last a lot longer than they should because we forget how essential it is to see every single angle of the shit cocktail pitcher they are all sharing. No no.

So there you have it. A breakdown of the types of people on Snapchat. I would be lying if I said I’ve not been most of these people at least once in my life. And I’m definitely a drunk snapchatter for life. Thank you for reading this and if you’ve been deeply offended by something you’ve read because I’m friends with you on Snapchat, then maybe just reassess your life. But if you’ve found this even slightly entertaining then share it and I’ll love you for a substantial amount of time.

Stay Sassy xo

P.S. Credit to Emma Fadden and Beckie Mcdermott for giving me these ideas, long you long time

What Not To Do On Holiday

Summer has technically arrived, and when Summer arrives, so does a whole host of #eatclean instagram photos of shit salads and courgetti which I refuse to believe is a real thing, beer garden selfies and a constant stream of annoying people on Facebook going on holiday. It's a statistical fact that on any one day between the months of June and September, about 30% of your Facebook is on holiday or posting about going on holiday or posting the classic holiday brochure photo of exactly where they are staying so you can cry about how the dodgy all inclusive you went to last year doesn't look anything like their photoshopped haven. Life's a bitch. 

Being the life disaster I am, I have had more than my fair share of holiday dilemmas and traumas. And if they've not happened to me, they've definitely happened to someone I know. So being a little hero, and because I only came back from my holiday last week so can't think of anything else to write about, here's a handy little guide of not what to do on holiday. 

Don't book anywhere without stalking Trip Advisor
This is probably the most sensible advice I've ever given on here. I am OBSESSED with Trip Advisor. I will happily spend days on it before booking somewhere to go, which is probably why I only booked my holiday this year with a month to spare. If you find a place that's really cheap but people say it's unclean and the food is shit, do some overtime or sell a leg and go somewhere better. I once booked a trip to Pontins as our first ever "girls holiday" when we were 16, only to search it and read 50 million reviews about there being shit all over the walls and blood on the curtains. Needless to say I've still never been to Pontins. 

Don't walk into the pool with your phone in your pocket
Sounds obvious but last week my best friend walked into the pool and stayed there for about 15 minutes not knowing his phone was in his pocket. A week of it sitting in rice and absolutely no holiday selfies later, it still doesn't work. Don't make this painful mistake, I would never survive the torture. 

Don't lose every single moral you've ever had, just a large percentage of them
Essentially as soon as you even begin packing for your holiday, you instantly lose your moral compass. At home it's seen as frowned upon to drink unknown alcohol from a bucket and then throw up next to a naked man on the street, but still stay out for 5 more hours until you can put a towel on a sunbed and die of shame in public. But in any charming resort abroad, this is perfectly acceptable. Sort of. Fortunately and unusually for me, holidays actually make me more sensible. I'm normally like the 2nd most sober one, I never misbehave (mostly) and I'm basically an angel (obviously). I think this is only because on every weekend of my life I'm a mess so foreign countries make me behave better, thankfully. I'm a big fan of having no morals on holiday, but I feel like there needs to be a limit. For example, by all means sleep your way around Spain and find yourself and come back with the greatest anecdotes known to humankind, but maybe avoid the creeps and the dickheads and the old ones and the too young ones and the absolute cretins of society, otherwise you're more desperate than fiercely independent. 

Don't be sick in your bed
Maybe speaking from experience. Don't get really drunk on the first night, throw up in your bed and then have to sleep in towels for the next week until the cleaner comes and changes your bedding. It will be uncomfortable, unclean and you will never be allowed to forget about it because it will be brought up for years and years and years. You live and you learn. And then you do it the next year. And then you actually live and learn. Maybe speaking from experience. 

Don't drunk text 
I am in full support of drunk texting. I've said before, if someone can't handle your drunken texts at 6am when you're attempting to be a charmer, then they don't deserve actual sober charming you any other time of the day. Plus i think drunk texts are a wonderful compliment and I love receiving them. But I'm biased because I am a horrendous drunk texter so I have to say all of that to make myself feel better. However on holiday drunk texts get worse and way more severe because you haven't packed your morals with you so you forget normal people have limits. So they should definitely be avoided. Otherwise you will have to spend a day in shame, and then even more days in shame when you realise you sent the text meant for just the one person to one of your friends on the holiday with you and other rogue people in your phonebook, all by accident. And then all your friends read all your drunk texts aloud and then quote them to you every single day on holiday. And still quote them to you a week later. That type of torture is not worth it. Save the drunken texts for 5am on a Saturday morning when you've had your 50th double vodka, I guarantee it's a safer time. Unless you're me and there is never a safe time after 2 bottles of wine. 

Don't go on holiday with a bitch 
Luckily this hasn't happened to me. I'm more likely to be the bitch people won't go on holiday with. But I've heard horror stories. If any part of you doesn't like the person you're planning to go away with, then don't go away with them. Simple. After a few days of heat, sunburn and sangria, everything will come out into the open and you will hate each other more than you ever thought was possible. I've had many a holiday argument but that was with my best friends and we were fine after a day. I imagine if you don't actually like the person there's every chance you will kill each other and death isn't the answer. 

Don't do karaoke at 3am anywhere too close to your hotel
I love drunken karaoke, even more than I love drunk texting. I will do it anywhere and anytime. But I will never do it in my own hotel or very close by. Reason being is you may not remember everyone in that bar, but after a rousing rendition of Enrique Iglesias' 'Hero', I can guarantee they will all remember you and you won't be able to attend the Greek night in there the night after. 

Don't forget your money 
If you're going abroad, don't forget your foreign money. I went to New York and forgot ALL of my dollars. Luckily it was a family holiday so thankfully everything was paid for but  still wouldn't recommend it. 

Don't fly hungover
If you value your happiness or sanity, never do this. I've never done this but I've flown next to my hungover sister. It was a short flight from Dublin but it lasted hours and hours. The fact that there was hardcore turbulence did not help the situation or my happiness and sanity. Even the cabin crew felt sorry for me, I could see it in their eyes. 

Don't post any photos of you going drunken skinny dipping on Facebook
Luckily for the eyes of Europe and yonder, I've never skinny dipped. But I know a lot of people have because they think it's a genius idea to put the photos on all social media. Don't do this. Unless I fancy you and in that case it is more than ok. 

Don't get a foreign lover, hand over your life savings, then realise he was only using you for our green card
We've all been there. 

I hope these holiday tips have in some way helped you in your life journey or at least made you realise that essentially I should never be allowed to go on holiday. 

Thank you for reading and if you share this on social media I will love you forever.

Stay Sassy xo

My Future Plans...as predicted by twelve year old me

First things first, I should probably make some apologies for not posting a new blog post for 2 months. I don't have a credible excuse, essentially I'm just really lazy and really easily distracted. And then Pretty Little Liars happened so I spent weeks of my life thinking I was A. Secondly I should probably apologise for presuming anyone actually cared about the lack of blogging. Although thank you to those little cuties who have said they missed the blog, you're all officially my favourite people. Thankfully the break has worked wonders in making me want to blog a whole lot more and clog up everyone's timelines all over again with my mindless rambling. The joys. 

Because I lead such a dull life, absolutely nothing new has happened during my two months break. I don't have any exciting life updates or fun stories or major gossip to tell unfortunately. But I did turn 22, which was quite exciting, because it sounds like a real adult age. And Taylor Swift wrote a song about it so it must be important. Obviously I've not grown up one bit, I am still yet to get a mortgage and enjoy quinoa and kale but now I actually want a real real job so that's progress. 

I recently found a charming autobiography titled "Becca's Life Book" (original I know) which I had written when I was twelve. Aside from the absolutely wild tales of my school trips and primary school life, there was a final section about what I wanted my future to be like. And bless my younger self, because what a load of shit it is. But i thought it would be both cute and depressing to do a comparison of what I wanted my life to be like, and where my life is now. Wish me all the luck in the world. 

Firstly, here's the extract:

"The Future

I would like to make lots of money when I am older. I would like to be a: ice - cream lady, barmaid, shopkeeper, actress, comedienne, singer, animal shelter worker, fun star, PGL groupie, babysitter and a writer. I want to achieve the fullest education I could get so then I would have something to fall back on if something fails. I want to have about 10 children and an honest, handsome, caring husband. I am definitely going to go out partying when I am older. I want to have a few serious relationships and some quick relationships. I would love to have a big house. I will be a playful mother and be cool. I would like to share an apartment with some friends when I am younger"

                                                                                                                   (Fadden, 2005) 

"I would like to make lots of money when I am older."
Solid start. I like the ambition I had as a young woman in the world of yesterday. Also let's reflect on the fact I wanted to make the money, and just not be rich which clearly shows I am a fierce independent career woman who doesn't need no man. If the rest of this chapter was like this I would be a proud mother of this child but unfortunately this is where the strong ambition ends.  

"I would like to be a: ice - cream lady,"
And here's the start of a rocky rocky list of dream careers. Don't get me wrong, ice cream lady's are the bedrock of this fine community...probably, but it isn't as much of a dream job as I used to think it was. And I haven't got a chance of becoming one anytime soon. It took me 4 years to get a provisional license, and after 4 hours of lessons in which I only learnt how to start and occasionally stop, I lost it on a night out. So I don't think driving is for me. Plus I hate ice cream so it's a match made in hell. 

"barmaid,"
I remember this dream well. I used to watch a lot of Coronation Street and Eastenders and always wanted to be pulling pints and gossiping with the locals. Then I realised life isn't like a soap and being a barmaid required working unsociable hours and every weekend all weekend. I feel like as soon as you get a job in a pub you lose the chance of going on a night out and I'm just not about that life. Friday and Saturday nights are my time to shine. Sort of. 

"shopkeeper,"
Well at least this ambition kind of came true. I don't own a shop but I work in one. I'm sure little me would be well impressed at the fact I get to use a till. So that is something. 

"actress, comedienne, singer,"
If you know me, you know I'm basically a quiet little mouse who hates talking and hates attention and socialising at all. The spotlight is obviously my idea of a nightmare and I love nothing more than to sit at home every night and drink tea and watch Eggheads. I joke, I'm a clear social whore who may or may not love the spotlight. So these ambitions are no surprise. I technically am a comedienne so maybe I'm smashing life. Although I've not actually done it in 2 years so maybe I'm not. And yes, I would still kill to be in Britain's next top girlband but unfortunately I am blessed with the vocal talents of Darius, pre-colourblind days. Niche reference but if you get it then you are a hero. I do feel like my life dream would to have played Tracy Turnblad in the Hairspray film. She's sassy and gets to neck Zac Efron, what a life. 

"animal shelter worker,"
This would be the worst job ever. It's not that I hate animals,  I just don't appreciate them in the same way most people do. I love my dog, and a cute trip to the farm/zoo/aquarium is my fave, but as for actual animals all day every day, that isn't for me. I don't understand the appeal of most of them, and most shelters involve a lot of cats. I maintain my theory that all cats would kill us if they could, but for the sake of many of my friendships, this obviously doesn't include any cat of anyone I have ever met, spoke to, been friends with, known in my life. Your cats are all cute and lovely and wouldn't harm a fly, I'm sure. 

"fun star, PGL groupie, babysitter"
These jobs all involve kids. And working with kids on a daily basis. I hate kids. This will never happen.

"and a writer."
This has kind of happened. If this blog counts. Cute. 

"I want to achieve the fullest education I could get so then I would have something to fall back on if something fails."
Twelve year old me clearly knew that if none of those 10 varying degree of success in life jobs failed, then I needed a back up plan. And I actually got a full education. Have I fell back on it if something has failed? Not quite yet. But university did successfully teach me how to have two bottles of wine and still maintain a sense of class and dignity, which has definitely helped me out in life. 

"I want to have about 10 children and an honest, handsome, caring husband."
Oh dear god. Firstly, 10 children. 10 whole children. That requires a lot of work and no sleep and a lot of shit and a lot of tonsillitis. None of that appeals to me. At all. Honest, handsome and caring, I can deal with that. That doesn't sound too bad. The husband bit. Bless little old straight me. Change it to a sassy wife and then we can talk. Although technically speaking I am actually already married to my best friend who is the greatest husband a gal can ask for so maybe my life dream is complete. 

"I am definitely going to go out partying when I am older."
I think we can all agree that I have more than delivered on this ambition. So go me and my love of wine, vodka and pretending I have my shit together. 

"I want to have a few serious relationships and some quick relationships."
How very hopeful of young me. Bless my heart. The heart that I apparently wanted broken numerous times by a whole host of possible suitors. Unless this secretly means I want a life of so far being eternally single and drunk texting my life away then I've clearly got a lot of work to do. Effort. 

"I would love to have a big house."
What a brilliant life goal. Let's keep this one. And then MTV Cribs can make a comeback and I can be on it and my true dream will be achieved. 

"I will be a playful mother and be cool."
As a 12 year old I was clearly a lot lot lot more maternal than I am now. The idea of having an actual child fills me with sheer dread, I can't even fully cope looking after the dog. But I'm obviously very cool already so that's fine. 

"I would like to share an apartment with some friends when I am younger."
This is not the type of fascinating finale I would have expected. What a shame. But at least I have shared an apartment with some friends and had a ball, apart from someone threatening to kill me on more than one occasion and being forced out the flat by the police for my own safety. But beggars can't be choosers. And as soon as I get a better job I will be jumping into the first city centre apartment with hopefully a few of some sort of open water with my best friend to continue the independent but not mature life I long for. 

And there we have it. It's obvious I was a child filled with hopes and dreams. They were just all absolutely pathetic hopes and dreams that I would probably be ashamed of, if I had any shame left to give. I was going to finish this by writing a whole new list of what I want in the next 10 years, but then it dawned on me that I don't have a clue. I'm still young and apart from knowing I want to work in social media, carry on blogging, and own every single checked shirt in the world, I have no idea what I want my life to be like. But that's more than ok. Because there's so much time to figure it all out that I don't want to spend all my nights and weekends indoors when I'm 22, because I feel it's a waste. I want to spend any spare time I have when I'm not job searching and watching Netflix, socialising with everyone I know and love before all the mature ones get married and settle down for their couple dinner dates and adopting cats together (I presume that's what mature couples do). So for now, I will spend my small earnings on wine and social gatherings and taxis because I'm too much of a prin for the last bus home, whilst trying to get a better job and snap chatting, texting and whatsapping my life way, because it's the sassy way of life. 


Stay Sassy xo

P.S. If you've not already, please like this blog on Facebook here: https://www.facebook.com/fatfunnyfabulous or follow it on Twitter here: https://twitter.com/fatfunnybecca and I will love you forever.

P.P.S. If you share this blog I will love you even more and probably buy you a shot the next time I see you. 

10 Things That Are Completely Overrated

If you've ever read any of these posts, or you know me in person, you'll know I'm not quite your average gal. I'm a bit odd, or rather, a lot odd. But that's terrible English. It's not even that I've got some unusual hobby or interest, I just don't think on the same wavelength as most of the human race. And I accept that because if everyone was the same it would be awfully boring. And I'd probably only have about 1% of the anecdotes I have today if I was a stereotypical female. Fuck that. There's a lot of things that a lot of people adore, that are things I hate with every inch of my being. So I thought I'd let you know what they are. And I can guarantee that some of you reading this will love every one of them. Don't hate me, I love you too. Maybe. 

1) A Cup Of Tea
People say a cup of tea can solve everything. Well I can tell you one thing it won't solve - my thirst. I don't get the tea hype. I get that I'm English and I'm meant to bathe in the stuff, but it tastes like a weird hot milky water, which it essentially is. It has no taste. At least with water you can convince yourself that your body is now a temple and you're now a clean eater. With tea, you can only convince yourself that you're an old woman waiting for Bargain Hunt to start. No no. And if you choose a cup of tea over a glass of wine? Girl you better be allergic to grapes to go making those bad life decisions. Shut that shit down now. 

2) Cats
Urghhhhhhhhhh. Where do I begin with cats? I hate them. Disclaimer. I don't hate every cat in the world. Some of my best friends have cats, and whilst I question that choice, I have to say that I, like is a strong word, but mildly tolerate them. But as for the rest of the feline kingdom? God no. Cats are the type of animals that as soon as your bag is turned, they would kill your family. They have probably thought about it at least 50 times a day. I can guarantee if any animal would take over the world and make us slaves, it's the cat. Whilst I admire their lack of giving a shit, their shadiness is too far. And this causes a massive problem in my life seeing as 99.99% of lesbians are cat people. Sometimes life is unnecessarily too hard. 

3) Girls Moaning About Being Single 
We all know them. They're the girls who sit in the corner at predrinks with whatever unfortunate person came last so had to claim the final remaining empty seat, and therefore now have to spend their night listening to the one girl's woes about how she is still single and how she just wants a boyfriend before she's alone forever. Cats are normally referenced at least 3 times. If a girl is that desperate for a boyfriend, then they're living their life wrong. Everyone should live their life in a way where an extra person isn't essential, just the occasional added bonus. What I'm saying is if you're desperate for a boyfriend (or girlfriend) then you're not having enough fun. Live your life. Do what you want to do. Be selfish. But not selfish in a way where you bore everyone else with your single moaning. Being single is amazing. I could write a book on it. Make the most of it, before you have to text someone your whereabouts and have to see someone one on one every day for the rest of your life, and then bore everyone else with your shit relationship stories. When you're single the only stories you have is how you ended up being sick on yourself somewhere. Much better anecdote than a romantic meal, trust me. 

4) Breaking Bad
Popular culture has told me that apparently Breaking Bad was the greatest programme to have ever been created in human existence. I found it constantly boring. Granted my television tastes are as tacky and basic bitch as they get, but all I'm saying is, if I spoke about X Factor as much as some people speak about Breaking Bad, I wouldn't have any friends. Let's reflect on that. Especially now with Better Call Saul. Again, if I spoke about Xtra Factor, an equally impressive spin off, no one would ever talk me to again. We cool? Cool. 

5) The Beatles
I've mentioned this before. I live in Liverpool, which as wonderful a place as it is, likes to constantly remind us The Beatles came from here. There's tours, museums, hotels, statues, bars, shops, all devoted to them. We forget that a little known band called Atomic Kitten also came from here. Give me an Atomic Kitten themed bar and that will happily be where I will spend most of my days, serenading tourists with Whole Again. 

6) Murder Mystery Programmes
Unfortunately I still live with my parents because I'm a graduate in this shit economy where the only job I can get is a part time customer assistant. But that's life. And my complaints about that are for a whole other blog. Living with my parents means I have to spend time with them. Or I would if they didn't have an obsession with watching every single murder mystery series under the sun. ITV doesn't help my quality of life. Every night it's a new one. And just when a series ends, out crawls Miss Marple for her 4956th crime solving adventure. Bless her, but someone needs to tell her to just settle down with a brandy and a Cliff Richard album. I'm not blaming murder mystery shows for forcing me to go the pub and drink, but I also am at the same time.

7) Egg Mayonnaise
If I became ruler of the world and could ban one thing on this planet, it's egg mayonnaise sandwiches. Words can't even begin to describe my hate. I'd rather wear a dress every day for the rest of my life than eat an egg mayonnaise sandwich every day for breakfast. And I can't deal with wearing any dress at all. It's got to the point where I completely question someone's life judgement if they choose to buy one. Literally if someone gets one in work, I know that if we ever met outside the shop we would never be friends. I don't think I could happily marry someone knowing that they choose to eat that type of sandwich. I sound dramatic, but I'm being deadly serious. It's not a life decision I can get on board with. 

8) Dignity and Self Respect
It doesn't take a genius to work out that this would sneak it's way onto the list. It's such a surprise for you all, I'm sure, for me to say I have no dignity remaining anymore. I used to, when I was a mere young 18 year old, apparently straight, girl. I even managed to go to Magaluf and keep all my self respect. And then I came back, started uni and turned into the monster that we all know and love today. However, I think having all your dignity intact at this age is overrated. So what if I have an inherent ability to mess my life up on a weekly basis at 4am. So what if I wake up and realise I sent a drunk message or 50. So what if I accidentally kiss a boy. Do I regret these actions. Not at all. I'm young, these are fantastic stories to tell and I believe they help you progress in making better life decisions. If I was boring and had all the class then I wouldn't know the things I know now. Such as never get in a taxi with someone who claims he's having an after party, which has happened an alarming amount of times lately. But lesson learnt. 

9) People moaning about how overrated Nandos is *
This country is divided. Not on politics or the apparent North South divide. No no. It's divided on whether Nandos is overrated or as amazing as people talk about. Personally I love a good Nandos. Take me there and buy me chicken and you're probably my new favourite person. Take me there on a date and I probably won't be changing my Facebook relationship status anytime soon. But what is overrated is how often people like to moan about Nandos being overrated. No food establishment as ever had quite the effect. The fact that people want to start a conversation about whether a piece of chicken is as good as someone claims it is, is beyond me. Does anyone care that I'm a lemon and herb gal. No they do not. And neither does anyone care about just how good you imagined it to be and just how much of a letdown it is. Move on with your life. Read a book. Or at least watch something on Netflix. Get over this conversation topic and we could all live a happier life.

10) Mcdonalds on A Hangover *
This is the epitome of terrible life choices. You wake up, you're probably a little bit drunk if you've lived your life right, you're starving as you feel a hangover slowly creep up you think you've found a solution: Mcdonalds. Nothing will make you feel as amazing as that Chicken legend meal you think. So if you've got a hero friend, you manage to get that Mcdonalds, and you eat it and you think all is well in this world. Then it hits you. The real hangover. I genuinely believe Mcdonalds have a substance to kick start your hangover into causing you intense hell for the rest of the day. It's never a cure, only a cause. If I have a Mcdonalds I can guarantee I will have to spend the rest of the day in a Netflix hole because I'm too hungover to contemplate movement or socialising or making the most of my life. It's a curse, not a blessing. 

So there it is, 10 things I think are completely overrated and I can't deal with. Let me know what you think either on the comments below, on my Facebook page here: https://www.facebook.com/fatfunnyfabulous or on my Twitter @fatfunnybecca or even on my personal twitter if you're feeling daring enough (@beccafadden). Thank you all so much for the continued support, it means the world :) 

Stay Sassy xo

*thanks to Beckie for suggesting these to me, if only I could take all the credit