8 Horrendous Misconceptions About Liverpool & Why They're So So Wrong

If you've been reading these blogs, you'll have noticed that I like to go out and have a drink or 20. And one of my favourite things to do on nights out is making best friends with strangers in the smoking area. It's my main hobby in life. Normally it begins with me drunkenly introducing myself because I have no concept of the fact that they won't want to speak to me. And then normally it ends in me declaring them as my best friend and how our friendship will never die. And if all this is happening in Manchester, I'll invite them to move to Liverpool and move in with me, especially if it's the woman who works in the      G-A-Y toilets who now recognises me every time I go for a wee. Life dream completed. However sometimes the people I speak to can just be completely annoying. Being from Liverpool my accent can precede me, leading to others assuming things about me, like I've been brought up on a diet of lambrini and chicken nuggets, or that I'm from a dead rough council estate, or that I've just got 1 GCSE. These are all genuine things people have said to me, none of it being offensive, just stupidity. So this all inspired me to research some of the most popular Liverpool misconceptions and offer my charming opinions on them. So enjoy, or at least mildly tolerate!

1) We all have horribly strong accents and no one outside of Merseyside can understand us
The Liverpool accent is an obvious one. There's not really much mistaking it for Australian or Irish. Even the most stupid know what the scouse accent sounds like. I like this fact because I'm proud of where I come from and I don't care that I don't always speak the Queen's English. I like the fact that even if I'm on the other side of the world, I will hear a familiar accent and instantly feel at home. It's cute. My issues with the accent are with people understanding it. I don't have that strong an accent. The more wines and vodkas I have, the stronger it gets. But it still doesn't get to the point of never understanding a word I say. The people who can't understand it tend to be those from a different country/those who think they've got a friend from Liverpool when in fact they're from Wirral or Runcorn/those who just can't be bothered listening. Normally when they don't understand me it's normally exit the conversation and don't have to listen to their shit stories anymore. Or I have to convince them I've got a beautiful voice and if they think my accent is bad then they should hear the people who normally sit at the back of the 86. They obviously never get the reference. I admit, when I'm drunk, I get louder, scouser and sassier, but I can still say the word 'chicken' exactly how Clare Balding says it, so if you're reading this and disagree, go get a hearing aid. 

2) We're all criminals who rob everything and anything in sight 
I can't lie, I used to be a bit of a rebel and rob free gifts from magazines, pens from school, pizza from school, essentially anything from school. And I know what you're about to say, "That girl clearly got in with the wrong crowd, let's pray she didn't go down a dodgy road of sniffing pritt sticks and stabbing teachers". I didn't. Although my life would probably be a bit more interesting if I had. But there tends to be a bit of a misconception about people from Liverpool being thieving bastards so never leave anything unattended. Absolute bullshit. I once had a hockey stick stolen but then it turned out I just took it home and forgot about it. if someone tells a joke about Liverpool, there's 99% chance it's about being robbed. I am here to assure you it's all lies. Obviously if you park your car in a dodgy area with a fancy laptop in the front seat, there's a high degree of risk. But that's exactly the same if you do it in Newcastle. Or Birmingham. Or Chelsea. That's just life. It shouldn't be, but it is. So feel free to use a safe and secure parking area with comfort in this city. You should probably be more worried about being killed in a multi story carpark. I've seen Criminal Minds. Shit always goes down in multi story carparks. Especially in America. 

3) We all love The Beatles 
I fucking hate The Beatles. Especially Ringo. No one likes Ringo. 

4) We all love football
I fucking hate football. Apart from when it's the World Cup when I mildly tolerate it to support Cameroon. 

5) We all have an amazing sense of humour
We do. Most people I know from Liverpool are absolutely hilarious. Are they as funny as me? Probably not (unless you're reading this and in that case you're the funniest person I know. All of you). 

6) It's not safe to walk alone ever - night or day
I would never describe myself as an independent woman. Because I'm not. To be a true independent woman, you probably have to be happy to walk to various locations alone. Which I am not. But not because of safety concerns. Mine's purely for boredom concerns. If I walk for too long on my own without anyone to talk to or text then I struggle to entertain my own mind. Unless I'm feeling fierce then I'll put on a bit of sassy music and strut to my heart's content pretending I'm in a music video. Which is currently my favourite hobby, as those of you who have me on Snapchat will know. The same rules apply here as the car parking. Obviously don't walk down a dark, quiet, abandoned road in a dodgy area alone. That's just dangerous. It shouldn't be but then we get into that whole debate about right or wrong and we all know I'm not as serious as that. Liverpool has some of the best cultural sights in the country, and sometimes there's no better way to see them than on foot. Especially now the duck boat has stopped because it kept accidentally drowning tourist. 

7) We're all on the dole
When researching what common Liverpool misconceptions there are, this was a pretty big one. Apparently a lot of people think most of Liverpool are on benefits. Which is obviously false. Last year I spent about 4 months on the dole. And they were the worst 4 months of my life. People think that those who claim jobseekers just want an easy pay packet and don't want to do any actual work. Everyone I came across during that period desperately wanted a job. Including me. I ended up signing off the dole before I had any job or form of income due to the way the staff and the entire system made me feel as a person. But that's for a whole other blog that will be coming soon. The point is, Liverpool is a thriving city full of hardworking people and independent businesses and charming yet beautiful customer assistants (me). And it's only going to grow and improve. Hopefully. And then everyone who ever doubted Liverpool's residents or doubted anyone who's ever been on the dole, will have a shit life. Probably. 

8) We all constantly have rollers in our hair
This is slightly true. If you go to Liverpool One on a Saturday, you'll see girls walking round with rollers in. But why is this a bad thing? They're just preparing for a fabulous night out, or a date, or a party, and want to look amazing. If that was my thing, I'd happily go out looking like that. However my preparation consists of watching Netflix, attempting to send a mass text inviting people out and then only getting 2 replies of people rejecting the offer, and then attempting to persuade my favourites to come out which they obviously do. Then at about 7pm I'll put a bit of music on to get me in the mood to paint the town a shade of sass. Then about half an hour before I'm meant to be somewhere I'll wash my hair as apparently there's nothing I love more than turning up to an event with soaking wet hair and a creased checked shirt. We all have our own beauty regimes don't we?

So there you have it. A few misconceptions hopefully debunked for you all. If you're from Liverpool, I hope I haven't offended. If you're not from Liverpool, I hope I haven't offended/hope you've learnt something nice. 

If you've reached this point I just want to say a massive thank you to you for supporting this blog. Whether this is the first one you've read, or you've read them all, it means the world that you're even bothering to click on the link that I've posted or that someone has kindly shared. I love you all so much, within reason. 

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Stay Sassy xo

New Year, Same Me

Over the past few weeks, I've seen a lot of people doing horrendous statuses and tweets about how amazing their 2014 was, and how 2015 is going to be "their year" and how they're going to get healthy and "new year new me" or go travelling to an exotic location and therefore bore us all with their "life changing" stories for the rest of the year. And I can't lie, if you've done one of those statuses, I have lost all respect for you but that's ok, because if you're the type of person to do one of those statuses I probably didn't have any respect for you anyway. Joking. Obviously. I have respect for everyone. Unless you call your boyfriend/girlfriend your bae. Then you should just burn in hell. 

But anyone, back to the point - we recently all celebrated a new year - 2015. I actually love New Year's Eve. Some people think it's overrated and there's too much pressure to have a good time. If you're someone who feels that there's pressure to have a good time and it doesn't come naturally to you, go have a wine. I like the fact that you can gather most of your faves in the same room and all sing a song that everyone only knows the first two lines of but make it last for the next five minutes and then circle the room for the next ten minutes having exactly the same conversation with each person telling them to "have a good one". It's cute. And it's the only semi acceptable time of they year in which you can drunk text your entire phone telling someone you've not seen in 3 years to "make it count". The regret the next morning makes that memory less cute but oh well. The point is, I personally like to see in the New Year with how I want the next 365 days to go. With my friends, on the right side of being drunk, wearing a sassy shirt, and taking far too many selfies. And that's how it went. Admittedly with a side helping of vomit (not mine for once!) and working the next day on 3 hours sleep (expecting my Pride of Britain award anytime now). 

With a new year, come new goals and ambitions, and sometimes resolutions. My only resolution this year is to be sassy always. And I feel that if everyone in the world followed that resolution then it would be a much better place. But I do have some goals that I want to achieve/areas of improvement so thought I'd go through them for this post. 

1) Move Out

    So this is my major goal of the year. If nothing else of interest happens this year, but I've successfully moved out, I'll be a happy gal. When I started university I moved out immediately into student halls, which was one of the best years of my life and changed me into a better person. I became more confident, I found my love of alcohol, I found my skill of throwing amazing parties (at the expense of the rest of the flat hating me), I learnt how to make amazing friends and I learnt how to smash wearing a checked shirt. And then in second year I moved into a basement flat with some of my best friends. And this was also amazing, I came out whilst I lived here, I fine-tuned my skills for throwing parties, I grew so much closer with two of the people I lived with, and I grew a lot closer to my best friends from home. But I also ended up living with two absolute psychos. One wasn't so much a psycho, we were just complete opposites of people in that I'm hilarious and she was a bitch who hated fun. Needless to say we don't talk now and I've been blocked on all forms of social media. Cute. The other one was an actual psycho. We ended up having to move out that flat early because he threatened to kill our friends and us numerous times so the Police got involved. Lovely memories. This all means I've been living at home now for nearly two years. I love my parents, and my dog, but I need my own space. The plan is to move in to a lovely little flat with my best friend to what will ever me named "the flat of sass". And we can watch Grey's Anatomy and shit reality television constantly, eat beans on toast of paper plates, throw pre drinks and parties every weekend and wake up the next day and have full debriefs of the night in our adorable living room. Plus I'll get to see my best friend every day, which can only be a good thing! However to do all of this I need to get a better job with a better wage so I can actually afford this beautiful life. Until then I'll keep persuading my parents to go on Groupon weekends away constantly. 

2) Always Be Sassy

    I thought I should expand on what this means, so that the unsassy amongst you can learn something beautiful today. Being sassy is the perfect balance of being both funny and bitch. Sassy people aren't bitches, bitchy people aren't sassy. What I mean when I say I want to always be sassy is always have fun, do what I want to do within reason, live my life for me and just try and have the greatest year yet. I want to go on spontaneous adventures,  preferably to somewhere with a comfy bed and running water, but I also want to have nights in watching every episode of Real Housewives ever. Basically I just want to have a bloody fabulous year, making all my decisions for myself and hopefully gaining lots of new experiences and friends and twitter followers all at the same time. 

3) At Least Try and Do Some Exercise

    Every single year that has ever been, 99% of the population say they want to get fit and healthy. I want that too, but being fit and healthy implies a life of kale and instagramming my new trainers. I'm overweight, that's stating the obvious, but I'm happy. I just want to lose some weight purely so I can buy more clothes and don't get abuse on nights out anymore. I have a plan on how I'm going to do this, but that's a whole new blog post. So for now I'll just say, stay tuned!

4) Get a Better Job

    To move out, I need a better/more well paid job. For those who don’t know, I’m currently working in Tesco 3 mornings a week, and about to start a two day a week social media placement for a few months as well. Which technically means I have two jobs so I am officially a career woman who is independent, fierce and doesn’t need a man. Admittedly I don’t need a man because I’m as gay as the day is long but still. My wages are more than enough for my current life of weekly nights out, unnecessary clothes, the odd gig and the odd train to spread the sass to Manchester (nothing I love more than losing all my dignity in a brand new city, plus G-A-Y is officially my spiritual home). My aim is to get a job that can pay for all of this, and then rent, bills and survival. I think that’s possible but I have no concept of tight budgets so will need someone else to do the sums for me, but that’s what sisters who study chemistry are for.

5) Blog, Vlog and do Stand Up more

    I'm not the most regular of bloggers, which is a shame as I feel like I’ve finally found a hobby I’m sort of good at it. So I want to make this blog a whole lot bigger and better this year with lots of posts and then hopefully lots more readers (if you’re reading this right now then you’re genuinely one of my favourite people ever). I’ve got plenty of ideas for posts, I’m just one of the most easily distracted people ever so my attention can’t be held for too long. I’m also hoping to expand into making videos on YouTube with my best friend, which will probably end up being the sassiest thing you’ll ever watch. No big deal. And my final strand to this is get back into stand up comedy. I did stand up for the first time in my first year of university after one of my best friends, who’s a far more superior comedian than I can ever dream to be, persuaded me to try it. I wrote my entire set the night before, and it was a bit of blur. But shockingly it went really well. And then I only did it twice more before I just didn’t bother again. So this is the year I’m determined to get back into it and at least try and be successful on some level. People sometimes say I’ve got a face for comedy, which I think is a nice way to say I’m ugly, but I’ve got a strong eyebrow game and can do a suave pout so, am I bothered? Not in the slightest.  

6) Wine, Wine and More Wine

    Let me just say that this doesn't mean I want to be an alcoholic. Oh no. Contrary to some people’s small-minded beliefs, I, nor does anyone I know, drink too much. If one weekly night out is too much then I don’t want to live in that kind of world. My plan for 2015 is to just carry on and not let negative people affect me. The ones who think because we are no longer 18 we should all settle down with just the one glass of rioja and watch some shockingly shit Netflix series and only ever take a selfie if we are fully sober. I’m happy for people to not drink, just don’t lecture me about how maybe I drank too much and I should try a dry month. And definitely don’t talk to people behind my back about how I should settle down. One bottle of wine is hardly crack cocaine.

7) Love???

    Before we all go too crazy, one of my goals isn't to find love. If I ever became the type of person whose only resolution was to get a girlfriend then please slap me any time you see me. All this means is to not give any horrendous characters the time of day. As I’ve expressed before, I’m not bothered about being single, and this year I definitely won’t be desperately trying to rush into a relationship. It’ll happen when it happens, and when it does, I definitely won’t be blogging about it. But I will happily blog about how I’m undateable (I genuinely think I could be) until that happens. Or until my new TV series 'The Unwantables' about my dire love life gets commissoned. 

8) Learn to Drive

    When I was 17 I was adamant that I was going to drive all my friends to Glastonbury that year. That gave me a year to learn to drive and get a car. Suffice to say we all ended up getting a mini bus together. But four years later and I finally got my provisional and then booked some driving lessons. However I hated my instructor and after four hours, I’d only learnt to stop and start so we presumed he was a bit of a cheat and wanted to make me pay for more lessons. So I quit which is often one of my favourite things to do when faced with a new hobby. I need to find a fun instructor, preferably one who appreciates a good reality show and doesn’t like to spend 45 minutes talking about a gearbox. And then I can learn to drive and presumably become a world-class drag racer. Childhood dream completed.

9) Always Be Sassy

      I just feel that this is that important that it should be here twice.

So there are my yearly goals. If you’ve read everything and got to this point I probably love you and want to marry you. Unless you’re family. Then never. Hopefully you’ll all stay with me on this yearlong journey and hopefully see this blog go from strength to strength. If you’ve even mildly enjoyed this post then feel free to let me know as it makes my day genuinely, and feel free to share it to anyone you want to, especially if it’s Jennifer Lawrence.

Stay Sassy xo