If you've been reading these blogs, you'll have noticed that I like to go out and have a drink or 20. And one of my favourite things to do on nights out is making best friends with strangers in the smoking area. It's my main hobby in life. Normally it begins with me drunkenly introducing myself because I have no concept of the fact that they won't want to speak to me. And then normally it ends in me declaring them as my best friend and how our friendship will never die. And if all this is happening in Manchester, I'll invite them to move to Liverpool and move in with me, especially if it's the woman who works in the G-A-Y toilets who now recognises me every time I go for a wee. Life dream completed. However sometimes the people I speak to can just be completely annoying. Being from Liverpool my accent can precede me, leading to others assuming things about me, like I've been brought up on a diet of lambrini and chicken nuggets, or that I'm from a dead rough council estate, or that I've just got 1 GCSE. These are all genuine things people have said to me, none of it being offensive, just stupidity. So this all inspired me to research some of the most popular Liverpool misconceptions and offer my charming opinions on them. So enjoy, or at least mildly tolerate!
1) We all have horribly strong accents and no one outside of Merseyside can understand us
The Liverpool accent is an obvious one. There's not really much mistaking it for Australian or Irish. Even the most stupid know what the scouse accent sounds like. I like this fact because I'm proud of where I come from and I don't care that I don't always speak the Queen's English. I like the fact that even if I'm on the other side of the world, I will hear a familiar accent and instantly feel at home. It's cute. My issues with the accent are with people understanding it. I don't have that strong an accent. The more wines and vodkas I have, the stronger it gets. But it still doesn't get to the point of never understanding a word I say. The people who can't understand it tend to be those from a different country/those who think they've got a friend from Liverpool when in fact they're from Wirral or Runcorn/those who just can't be bothered listening. Normally when they don't understand me it's normally exit the conversation and don't have to listen to their shit stories anymore. Or I have to convince them I've got a beautiful voice and if they think my accent is bad then they should hear the people who normally sit at the back of the 86. They obviously never get the reference. I admit, when I'm drunk, I get louder, scouser and sassier, but I can still say the word 'chicken' exactly how Clare Balding says it, so if you're reading this and disagree, go get a hearing aid.
2) We're all criminals who rob everything and anything in sight
I can't lie, I used to be a bit of a rebel and rob free gifts from magazines, pens from school, pizza from school, essentially anything from school. And I know what you're about to say, "That girl clearly got in with the wrong crowd, let's pray she didn't go down a dodgy road of sniffing pritt sticks and stabbing teachers". I didn't. Although my life would probably be a bit more interesting if I had. But there tends to be a bit of a misconception about people from Liverpool being thieving bastards so never leave anything unattended. Absolute bullshit. I once had a hockey stick stolen but then it turned out I just took it home and forgot about it. if someone tells a joke about Liverpool, there's 99% chance it's about being robbed. I am here to assure you it's all lies. Obviously if you park your car in a dodgy area with a fancy laptop in the front seat, there's a high degree of risk. But that's exactly the same if you do it in Newcastle. Or Birmingham. Or Chelsea. That's just life. It shouldn't be, but it is. So feel free to use a safe and secure parking area with comfort in this city. You should probably be more worried about being killed in a multi story carpark. I've seen Criminal Minds. Shit always goes down in multi story carparks. Especially in America.
3) We all love The Beatles
I fucking hate The Beatles. Especially Ringo. No one likes Ringo.
4) We all love football
I fucking hate football. Apart from when it's the World Cup when I mildly tolerate it to support Cameroon.
5) We all have an amazing sense of humour
We do. Most people I know from Liverpool are absolutely hilarious. Are they as funny as me? Probably not (unless you're reading this and in that case you're the funniest person I know. All of you).
6) It's not safe to walk alone ever - night or day
I would never describe myself as an independent woman. Because I'm not. To be a true independent woman, you probably have to be happy to walk to various locations alone. Which I am not. But not because of safety concerns. Mine's purely for boredom concerns. If I walk for too long on my own without anyone to talk to or text then I struggle to entertain my own mind. Unless I'm feeling fierce then I'll put on a bit of sassy music and strut to my heart's content pretending I'm in a music video. Which is currently my favourite hobby, as those of you who have me on Snapchat will know. The same rules apply here as the car parking. Obviously don't walk down a dark, quiet, abandoned road in a dodgy area alone. That's just dangerous. It shouldn't be but then we get into that whole debate about right or wrong and we all know I'm not as serious as that. Liverpool has some of the best cultural sights in the country, and sometimes there's no better way to see them than on foot. Especially now the duck boat has stopped because it kept accidentally drowning tourist.
7) We're all on the dole
When researching what common Liverpool misconceptions there are, this was a pretty big one. Apparently a lot of people think most of Liverpool are on benefits. Which is obviously false. Last year I spent about 4 months on the dole. And they were the worst 4 months of my life. People think that those who claim jobseekers just want an easy pay packet and don't want to do any actual work. Everyone I came across during that period desperately wanted a job. Including me. I ended up signing off the dole before I had any job or form of income due to the way the staff and the entire system made me feel as a person. But that's for a whole other blog that will be coming soon. The point is, Liverpool is a thriving city full of hardworking people and independent businesses and charming yet beautiful customer assistants (me). And it's only going to grow and improve. Hopefully. And then everyone who ever doubted Liverpool's residents or doubted anyone who's ever been on the dole, will have a shit life. Probably.
8) We all constantly have rollers in our hair
This is slightly true. If you go to Liverpool One on a Saturday, you'll see girls walking round with rollers in. But why is this a bad thing? They're just preparing for a fabulous night out, or a date, or a party, and want to look amazing. If that was my thing, I'd happily go out looking like that. However my preparation consists of watching Netflix, attempting to send a mass text inviting people out and then only getting 2 replies of people rejecting the offer, and then attempting to persuade my favourites to come out which they obviously do. Then at about 7pm I'll put a bit of music on to get me in the mood to paint the town a shade of sass. Then about half an hour before I'm meant to be somewhere I'll wash my hair as apparently there's nothing I love more than turning up to an event with soaking wet hair and a creased checked shirt. We all have our own beauty regimes don't we?
So there you have it. A few misconceptions hopefully debunked for you all. If you're from Liverpool, I hope I haven't offended. If you're not from Liverpool, I hope I haven't offended/hope you've learnt something nice.
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Stay Sassy xo
Fab, fab, fab xxx
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