Over the past
few weeks, I've seen a lot of people doing horrendous statuses and tweets
about how amazing their 2014 was, and how 2015 is going to be "their
year" and how they're going to get healthy and "new year new me"
or go travelling to an exotic location and therefore bore us all with their
"life changing" stories for the rest of the year. And I can't lie, if
you've done one of those statuses, I have lost all respect for you
but that's ok, because if you're the type of person to do one of those statuses
I probably didn't have any respect for you anyway. Joking. Obviously. I have
respect for everyone. Unless you call your boyfriend/girlfriend your bae.
Then you should just burn in hell.
But anyone, back
to the point - we recently all celebrated a new year - 2015. I actually love
New Year's Eve. Some people think it's overrated and there's too much pressure
to have a good time. If you're someone who feels that there's pressure to have
a good time and it doesn't come naturally to you, go have a wine. I like the
fact that you can gather most of your faves in the same room and all sing
a song that everyone only knows the first two lines of but make it last for the
next five minutes and then circle the room for the next ten minutes having
exactly the same conversation with each person telling them to
"have a good one". It's cute. And it's the only semi acceptable
time of they year in which you can drunk text your entire phone
telling someone you've not seen in 3 years to "make it count".
The regret the next morning makes that memory less cute but oh well. The point
is, I personally like to see in the New Year with how I want the next 365
days to go. With my friends, on the right side of being drunk, wearing a sassy
shirt, and taking far too many selfies. And that's how it went.
Admittedly with a side helping of vomit (not mine for once!) and working the
next day on 3 hours sleep (expecting my Pride of Britain award anytime
now).
With a new year,
come new goals and ambitions, and sometimes resolutions. My only resolution
this year is to be sassy always. And I feel that if everyone in the world
followed that resolution then it would be a much better place. But I do have
some goals that I want to achieve/areas of improvement so thought I'd go
through them for this post.
1)
Move Out
So
this is my major goal of the year. If nothing else of interest happens this
year, but I've successfully moved out, I'll be a happy gal. When I
started university I moved out immediately into student halls, which was
one of the best years of my life and changed me into a better person. I became
more confident, I found my love of alcohol, I found my skill of throwing
amazing parties (at the expense of the rest of the flat hating me), I
learnt how to make amazing friends and I learnt how to smash wearing a
checked shirt. And then in second year I moved into a basement flat with some
of my best friends. And this was also amazing, I came out whilst I lived here,
I fine-tuned my skills for throwing parties, I grew so much closer
with two of the people I lived with, and I grew a lot closer to my best friends
from home. But I also ended up living with two absolute psychos. One wasn't so
much a psycho, we were just complete opposites of people in that I'm hilarious
and she was a bitch who hated fun. Needless to say we don't talk now and I've
been blocked on all forms of social media. Cute. The other one was an actual
psycho. We ended up having to move out that flat early because
he threatened to kill our friends and us numerous times so the Police got
involved. Lovely memories. This all means I've been living at home now for
nearly two years. I love my parents, and my dog, but I need my own space. The
plan is to move in to a lovely little flat with my best friend to what
will ever me named "the flat of sass". And we can watch Grey's
Anatomy and shit reality television constantly, eat beans on toast of paper
plates, throw pre drinks and parties every weekend and wake up the
next day and have full debriefs of the night in our adorable living room. Plus
I'll get to see my best friend every day, which can only be a good thing!
However to do all of this I need to get a better job with a better wage so I
can actually afford this beautiful life. Until then I'll keep persuading
my parents to go on Groupon weekends away constantly.
2)
Always Be Sassy
I
thought I should expand on what this means, so that the unsassy amongst
you can learn something beautiful today. Being sassy is the perfect
balance of being both funny and bitch. Sassy people aren't bitches, bitchy
people aren't sassy. What I mean when I say I want to always be sassy is
always have fun, do what I want to do within reason, live my life for me and
just try and have the greatest year yet. I want to go on spontaneous
adventures, preferably to somewhere with a comfy bed and running water,
but I also want to have nights in watching every episode of Real Housewives
ever. Basically I just want to have a bloody fabulous year, making all my
decisions for myself and hopefully gaining lots of new experiences and
friends and twitter followers all at the same time.
3)
At Least Try and Do Some Exercise
Every single year that has ever been, 99% of the population say they want to
get fit and healthy. I want that too, but being fit and healthy implies a life
of kale and instagramming my new trainers. I'm overweight, that's stating the
obvious, but I'm happy. I just want to lose some weight purely so I can
buy more clothes and don't get abuse on nights out anymore. I have a plan on
how I'm going to do this, but that's a whole new blog post. So for now I'll
just say, stay tuned!
4)
Get a Better Job
To
move out, I need a better/more well paid job. For those who don’t know,
I’m currently working in Tesco 3 mornings a week, and about to start a two day
a week social media placement for a few months as well. Which technically means
I have two jobs so I am officially a career woman who is independent, fierce
and doesn’t need a man. Admittedly I don’t need a man because I’m as gay as the
day is long but still. My wages are more than enough for my current life of
weekly nights out, unnecessary clothes, the odd gig and the odd train to spread
the sass to Manchester (nothing I love more than losing all my dignity in a brand new city, plus G-A-Y is officially my spiritual home). My aim is to get a job that can pay for all of this,
and then rent, bills and survival. I think that’s possible but I have no
concept of tight budgets so will need someone else to do the sums for me, but
that’s what sisters who study chemistry are for.
5)
Blog, Vlog and do Stand Up more
I'm not the most regular of bloggers, which is a shame as I feel like I’ve
finally found a hobby I’m sort of good at it. So I want to make this blog a
whole lot bigger and better this year with lots of posts and then hopefully
lots more readers (if you’re reading this right now then you’re genuinely one of
my favourite people ever). I’ve got plenty of ideas for posts, I’m just one of
the most easily distracted people ever so my attention can’t be held for too
long. I’m also hoping to expand into making videos on YouTube with my best friend,
which will probably end up being the sassiest thing you’ll ever watch. No big
deal. And my final strand to this is get back into stand up comedy. I did stand
up for the first time in my first year of university after one of my best
friends, who’s a far more superior comedian than I can ever dream to be,
persuaded me to try it. I wrote my entire set the night before, and it was a
bit of blur. But shockingly it went really well. And then I only did it twice
more before I just didn’t bother again. So this is the year I’m determined to
get back into it and at least try and be successful on some level. People
sometimes say I’ve got a face for comedy, which I think is a nice way to say
I’m ugly, but I’ve got a strong eyebrow game and can do a suave pout so, am I
bothered? Not in the slightest.
6)
Wine, Wine and More Wine
Let me just say that this doesn't mean I want to be an alcoholic. Oh no.
Contrary to some people’s small-minded beliefs, I, nor does anyone I know,
drink too much. If one weekly night out is too much then I don’t want to live
in that kind of world. My plan for 2015 is to just carry on and not let
negative people affect me. The ones who think because we are no longer 18 we
should all settle down with just the one glass of rioja and watch some
shockingly shit Netflix series and only ever take a selfie if we are fully
sober. I’m happy for people to not drink, just don’t lecture me about how maybe
I drank too much and I should try a dry month. And definitely don’t talk to
people behind my back about how I should settle down. One bottle of wine is
hardly crack cocaine.
7)
Love???
Before we all go too crazy, one of my goals isn't to find love. If I ever
became the type of person whose only resolution was to get a girlfriend
then please slap me any time you see me. All this means is to not give any
horrendous characters the time of day. As I’ve expressed before, I’m not bothered about being
single, and this year I definitely won’t be desperately trying to rush into a
relationship. It’ll happen when it happens, and when it does, I definitely
won’t be blogging about it. But I will happily blog about how I’m undateable (I
genuinely think I could be) until that happens. Or until my new TV series 'The Unwantables' about my dire love life gets commissoned.
8)
Learn to Drive
When I was 17 I was adamant that I was going to drive all my friends to
Glastonbury that year. That gave me a year to learn to drive and get a car.
Suffice to say we all ended up getting a mini bus together. But four years
later and I finally got my provisional and then booked some driving lessons.
However I hated my instructor and after four hours, I’d only learnt to stop and
start so we presumed he was a bit of a cheat and wanted to make me pay for more
lessons. So I quit which is often one of my favourite things to do when faced
with a new hobby. I need to find a fun instructor, preferably one who
appreciates a good reality show and doesn’t like to spend 45 minutes talking
about a gearbox. And then I can learn to drive and presumably become a world-class
drag racer. Childhood dream completed.
9)
Always Be Sassy
I just feel that this is that important that it should be here twice.
So there are my
yearly goals. If you’ve read everything and got to this point I probably love
you and want to marry you. Unless you’re family. Then never. Hopefully you’ll
all stay with me on this yearlong journey and hopefully see this blog go from
strength to strength. If you’ve even mildly enjoyed this post then feel free to
let me know as it makes my day genuinely, and feel free to share it to anyone
you want to, especially if it’s Jennifer Lawrence.
Stay Sassy xo
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