It's worth mentioning that when I suggested doing this blog topic and what I could give up, my mum instantly said "Sex would be an easy one", proving just how successful my love life is going and just how essential it is I move out so I can avoid all of these type of conversations in my life. I should set up a Just Giving page so you can all donate to pay my rent. Good plan? Yes.
1) Tinder
I could probably do a full stand up set about my Tinder/Plenty of Fish disasters. And then some more. They're that disastrous. And that's just the actual messaging, let alone actually meeting up with some of them on nights out, which obviously is a terrible thing to do. But it does make the story of the night out a lot more hilarious so I would probably recommend it. Just don't expect to hear from them again. Ever. Especially when you've performed a full dance routine to the Saturdays. But that's me. I actually do love Tinder, purely for the fact that it's hilarious as about 90% of the people on there have been skiing or got a selfie with a tiger. Go them. I only ever message people when I'm drunk/hungover, which is probably where my problems lie. And then I end up having them on snapchat so they're bombarded with my snapchat stories of me miming to Adele, but we'll get to that later. To be fair, there's been a few nice ones who are sound people, but there's more chance of Tom Daley finding me attractive. Tinder hasn't brought me any good luck yet, so maybe I should give it up and have a break from it. And you do get your fair share of psycho bitches, creeps and people so odd they've probably killed someone. However if I gave it up, I wouldn't have anything to do with my life when I'm in the Raz at 4am and everyone I'm with is getting off with people. Like last week. Or the week before. Or probably the week before that. And where would be the fun in texting someone who actually replies to my texts. Or liking someone who actually likes me back. So let's stick to Tinder, because otherwise I've got nothing to bitch about with my best friend, and no one to wish ebola one.
2) Gossiping
Gossiping about life/things/people/place is a loved hobby of mine. I went to an all girls school, bitching and gossip was like currency, and that's never left me. I would never gossip about anything personal, like someone's looks or their clothes or their family, because that's actually horrible. I just mean if someone's a bitch or has been annoying, or has committed a scandalous act, then I probably will gossip about it because I hate being quiet in my life and love a good conversation. Unless I'm shy when I'm sober in a new place. And I won't gossip if you've told me a secret, even I have my limits. Most people wouldn't admit to gossiping, and if anyone claims they don't bitch about people, it's a lie. I should probably give this one up, it makes me sound like a terrible person. However, I can't. Because that would mean I'd have to talk about the weather, or current affairs, or politics and I just don't need that shit in my life.
3) Any & All Alcohol
I'm sure a few people would suggest I give up alcohol. Most of my anecdotes, statuses, tweets and snapchats involve the word wine. It's obviously not good for me, or my dignity. Although I don't actually have any dignity left. That went as soon as I discovered how fun it was to drunk text, and texted my entire phonebook saying I was gay. 2 years before I actually came out. But then I was extremely smashed when I actually came out, so there's a perfect argument about why people should drink, because I can honestly say that was the best thing I've ever done drunk. That and borrowing a homeless man's guitar to sing Adele on Bold Street. Cute. Currently I'm suffering from post graduation depression. Still. I miss being a student. I'm bored of working in a job that means nothing to me, and having to be grateful for it as it means I don't have to be on the dole anymore. I hate the fact I never socialise on weeknights anymore because everyone is busy. So that one night out a week when it's just as much fun as it has been for the past 3 years is my favourite. Maybe I should grow up. Or maybe I should just enjoy it and have a ball because I'm only 21 and I've got the rest of my life to sit inside and not work a smoking area like it's my own private networking event. I'm not saying you need alcohol for a good time, but it definitely helps. So I won't be giving that one up.
4) Girlbands
Girlbands are the one of the reasons I am thankful that ears exist and I can actually hear things. And people always tell me that these are guilty pleasures and I should be more cultural. But no. Because a life without Girls Aloud, The Saturdays and Little Mix isn't worth thinking about. I don't care that this isn't considered "cool music". I care more about the fact that I've never been to Estonia, which is, by the way, a country I've got no intention of visiting ever. No offence Estonians. One of my dreams in life is to be in a girlband. Another related dream is to form a Scouting For Girls tribute act. And yet another related but by far the best dream, is to form an acoustic covers band to cover all the 00s classics like Anastacia, Akon and NDubz. But as I can't sing these are just dreams. apart from the last one which is definitely happening. Small request, if you're reading this and you're in a band, then please incorporate just one 00s classic into your set and I'll totally come and see you live and plug you on this blog. Deal? Deal.
5) Checked Shirts
I will never have enough checked shirts. They complete me. I would do an endless amount of unthinkable things to own every single checked shirt in the entire world. I would. I'm not proud of this fact but desperate times call for desperate measures. They make me look hella gay, and hella adorable, and hella suave. So for that reason, they will never leave mt side.
6) Snapchat
It's safe to say, if you don't have me on Snapchat, then you're missing out. If you like drunken selfies of me pouting in various toilets in Liverpool, hungover photos of me wanting sympathy, or 50 videos a day of me miming to a whole range of hits spanning various decades, then I'm your gal. I spend far too much time choosing songs to mime too, and far too much time perfecting a suave fringe for the selfies, and it's really worth it when not a single person tells me how funny or beautiful I look so is it worth it? Totally. I find myself hilarious so that's all that matters. And plus when i actually get told my snapchat videos are funny then it's all more than worth it. I'm planning to save them all and make a feature film out of it. But everytime I save a lot up I end up getting that phone stolen so maybe that's fate telling me not to bother. And I'm pretty sure at least one person has deleted me off Snapchat because they find me annoying. However that delete button is there for a reason, so I actively invite anyone who finds my videos boring and annoying to delete me, because I don't need that negativity in my life. And if this all sounds utterly enticing and you can't believe someone this charming and hilarious exists, then feel free to add my snapchat: beccafadden. But if you send me a photo of a penis then I will instantly block you and give your snapchat name to someone who I don't like and let them suffer instead.
So in conclusion, I won't be giving up anything for Lent. Mainly because I have zero willpower, but also because I'm 21 and I'm a big believer of just living life for fun so effort with restraining myself with pointless bans. Plus I'm way too sassy for this shit.
Thank you to anyone who has read this blog, and any previous posts. I can't believe people are actually mildly interested in what I have to say. Please get in touch via my Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/fatfunnyfabulous with any feedback, comments, adoring messages or suggestions for future posts. And if you want to make my life complete, then please feel free to share this post with anyone and everyone!
Also if you're actually in a band and want to cover some classic 00's songs then please don't hesitate to contact me as I have a fantastic proposal for you. Hint: it's not marriage. Probably.
Stay Sassy xo
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