First things first, I should probably make some apologies for not posting a new blog post for 2 months. I don't have a credible excuse, essentially I'm just really lazy and really easily distracted. And then Pretty Little Liars happened so I spent weeks of my life thinking I was A. Secondly I should probably apologise for presuming anyone actually cared about the lack of blogging. Although thank you to those little cuties who have said they missed the blog, you're all officially my favourite people. Thankfully the break has worked wonders in making me want to blog a whole lot more and clog up everyone's timelines all over again with my mindless rambling. The joys.
Because I lead such a dull life, absolutely nothing new has happened during my two months break. I don't have any exciting life updates or fun stories or major gossip to tell unfortunately. But I did turn 22, which was quite exciting, because it sounds like a real adult age. And Taylor Swift wrote a song about it so it must be important. Obviously I've not grown up one bit, I am still yet to get a mortgage and enjoy quinoa and kale but now I actually want a real real job so that's progress.
I recently found a charming autobiography titled "Becca's Life Book" (original I know) which I had written when I was twelve. Aside from the absolutely wild tales of my school trips and primary school life, there was a final section about what I wanted my future to be like. And bless my younger self, because what a load of shit it is. But i thought it would be both cute and depressing to do a comparison of what I wanted my life to be like, and where my life is now. Wish me all the luck in the world.
Firstly, here's the extract:
"The Future
I would like to make lots of money when I am older. I would like to be a: ice - cream lady, barmaid, shopkeeper, actress, comedienne, singer, animal shelter worker, fun star, PGL groupie, babysitter and a writer. I want to achieve the fullest education I could get so then I would have something to fall back on if something fails. I want to have about 10 children and an honest, handsome, caring husband. I am definitely going to go out partying when I am older. I want to have a few serious relationships and some quick relationships. I would love to have a big house. I will be a playful mother and be cool. I would like to share an apartment with some friends when I am younger"
(Fadden, 2005)
"I would like to make lots of money when I am older."
Solid start. I like the ambition I had as a young woman in the world of yesterday. Also let's reflect on the fact I wanted to make the money, and just not be rich which clearly shows I am a fierce independent career woman who doesn't need no man. If the rest of this chapter was like this I would be a proud mother of this child but unfortunately this is where the strong ambition ends.
"I would like to be a: ice - cream lady,"
And here's the start of a rocky rocky list of dream careers. Don't get me wrong, ice cream lady's are the bedrock of this fine community...probably, but it isn't as much of a dream job as I used to think it was. And I haven't got a chance of becoming one anytime soon. It took me 4 years to get a provisional license, and after 4 hours of lessons in which I only learnt how to start and occasionally stop, I lost it on a night out. So I don't think driving is for me. Plus I hate ice cream so it's a match made in hell.
"barmaid,"
I remember this dream well. I used to watch a lot of Coronation Street and Eastenders and always wanted to be pulling pints and gossiping with the locals. Then I realised life isn't like a soap and being a barmaid required working unsociable hours and every weekend all weekend. I feel like as soon as you get a job in a pub you lose the chance of going on a night out and I'm just not about that life. Friday and Saturday nights are my time to shine. Sort of.
"shopkeeper,"
Well at least this ambition kind of came true. I don't own a shop but I work in one. I'm sure little me would be well impressed at the fact I get to use a till. So that is something.
"actress, comedienne, singer,"
If you know me, you know I'm basically a quiet little mouse who hates talking and hates attention and socialising at all. The spotlight is obviously my idea of a nightmare and I love nothing more than to sit at home every night and drink tea and watch Eggheads. I joke, I'm a clear social whore who may or may not love the spotlight. So these ambitions are no surprise. I technically am a comedienne so maybe I'm smashing life. Although I've not actually done it in 2 years so maybe I'm not. And yes, I would still kill to be in Britain's next top girlband but unfortunately I am blessed with the vocal talents of Darius, pre-colourblind days. Niche reference but if you get it then you are a hero. I do feel like my life dream would to have played Tracy Turnblad in the Hairspray film. She's sassy and gets to neck Zac Efron, what a life.
"animal shelter worker,"
This would be the worst job ever. It's not that I hate animals, I just don't appreciate them in the same way most people do. I love my dog, and a cute trip to the farm/zoo/aquarium is my fave, but as for actual animals all day every day, that isn't for me. I don't understand the appeal of most of them, and most shelters involve a lot of cats. I maintain my theory that all cats would kill us if they could, but for the sake of many of my friendships, this obviously doesn't include any cat of anyone I have ever met, spoke to, been friends with, known in my life. Your cats are all cute and lovely and wouldn't harm a fly, I'm sure.
"fun star, PGL groupie, babysitter"
These jobs all involve kids. And working with kids on a daily basis. I hate kids. This will never happen.
"and a writer."
This has kind of happened. If this blog counts. Cute.
"I want to achieve the fullest education I could get so then I would have something to fall back on if something fails."
Twelve year old me clearly knew that if none of those 10 varying degree of success in life jobs failed, then I needed a back up plan. And I actually got a full education. Have I fell back on it if something has failed? Not quite yet. But university did successfully teach me how to have two bottles of wine and still maintain a sense of class and dignity, which has definitely helped me out in life.
"I want to have about 10 children and an honest, handsome, caring husband."
Oh dear god. Firstly, 10 children. 10 whole children. That requires a lot of work and no sleep and a lot of shit and a lot of tonsillitis. None of that appeals to me. At all. Honest, handsome and caring, I can deal with that. That doesn't sound too bad. The husband bit. Bless little old straight me. Change it to a sassy wife and then we can talk. Although technically speaking I am actually already married to my best friend who is the greatest husband a gal can ask for so maybe my life dream is complete.
"I am definitely going to go out partying when I am older."
I think we can all agree that I have more than delivered on this ambition. So go me and my love of wine, vodka and pretending I have my shit together.
"I want to have a few serious relationships and some quick relationships."
How very hopeful of young me. Bless my heart. The heart that I apparently wanted broken numerous times by a whole host of possible suitors. Unless this secretly means I want a life of so far being eternally single and drunk texting my life away then I've clearly got a lot of work to do. Effort.
"I would love to have a big house."
What a brilliant life goal. Let's keep this one. And then MTV Cribs can make a comeback and I can be on it and my true dream will be achieved.
"I will be a playful mother and be cool."
As a 12 year old I was clearly a lot lot lot more maternal than I am now. The idea of having an actual child fills me with sheer dread, I can't even fully cope looking after the dog. But I'm obviously very cool already so that's fine.
"I would like to share an apartment with some friends when I am younger."
This is not the type of fascinating finale I would have expected. What a shame. But at least I have shared an apartment with some friends and had a ball, apart from someone threatening to kill me on more than one occasion and being forced out the flat by the police for my own safety. But beggars can't be choosers. And as soon as I get a better job I will be jumping into the first city centre apartment with hopefully a few of some sort of open water with my best friend to continue the independent but not mature life I long for.
And there we have it. It's obvious I was a child filled with hopes and dreams. They were just all absolutely pathetic hopes and dreams that I would probably be ashamed of, if I had any shame left to give. I was going to finish this by writing a whole new list of what I want in the next 10 years, but then it dawned on me that I don't have a clue. I'm still young and apart from knowing I want to work in social media, carry on blogging, and own every single checked shirt in the world, I have no idea what I want my life to be like. But that's more than ok. Because there's so much time to figure it all out that I don't want to spend all my nights and weekends indoors when I'm 22, because I feel it's a waste. I want to spend any spare time I have when I'm not job searching and watching Netflix, socialising with everyone I know and love before all the mature ones get married and settle down for their couple dinner dates and adopting cats together (I presume that's what mature couples do). So for now, I will spend my small earnings on wine and social gatherings and taxis because I'm too much of a prin for the last bus home, whilst trying to get a better job and snap chatting, texting and whatsapping my life way, because it's the sassy way of life.
Stay Sassy xo
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P.P.S. If you share this blog I will love you even more and probably buy you a shot the next time I see you.
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