An Open Letter to Anyone Who Wants to Stay In on a Friday Night

I was going to do a deeper and more thoughtful blog today but then I officially hit the 4000 view mark on the blog so wanted to do something more cheerful to celebrate! As it's probably clear from any single blog post on this site, I've cornered myself into a bit of a stereotype of being the person who loves a drink. And whilst that is completely true, there is a lot more to me than that. However this blog post is going to be completely stereotypical and be alcohol focused. 

Every week I'm the person who arranges the nights out. Every week I'm the person who sends the mass text and arranges where we are pre drinking and who is coming. Every week I'm met with a wall of silence and negative replies. And whilst this doesn't phase me in the slightest, I still persist with trying to be a persuasive charmer and forcing people to come out. It obviously never works. And sometimes I almost feel sorry for anyone who's number I have and is Liverpool based, but then I don't and do it all over again the next week (good luck to you all tomorrow). But I recently wrote a letter to a friend to persuade her to come out because I clearly have nothing else to do (apart from apply for all the jobs which is definitely going well for me, and by going well I mean not at all) I decided to write a short essay to make her come out. It didn't work, but I've decided to turn it into a post. So here, ladies and gentlemen, is an open letter to anyone who is even considering socialising on a Friday night. 

Dear whoever it may concern. Which is you. The person who is feeling slightly tempted for a night of sheer fun and jokes and shots and maybe a slight loss of dignity.

The night is Friday. The month is March. The date is the 27^th. And the year is obviously 2015. There’s an electric feeling in the air, a feeling of excitement and sexual tension (but that’s just between us two), a feeling that tonight will be the night of our lives. THE night. This could very well be the night we see our true loves, our eyes will meet across the crowded dance floor or aesthetically pleasing smoking area and it will be instant love and marriage and adopted children. Do we want to miss that opportunity though? Where they take one swift look at us and immediately fall in love? No we don’t. Maybe not even love, just a cheeky neck here and there. That will do, and it will give you a little bit of scandal to tell that one person who never leaves the house, bless them. You may even get to lie to your parents about having a one night stand, is that not what dreams are made of? (top tip, if that's what dreams are made of you may as well just shut that shit down now and find something more enjoyable to do with your life than lying to parents, you're probably 18 plus, we're all adults, get a grip, in a nice way). I mean, the whole one night stand area is clearly not my area of expertise, but if you want tips on what checked shirt to wear or how to be sassy, you know I'm your gal. But back to this night of our lives. Do we want to miss the opportunity of dancing our little feet off and getting our stepometers above the unreachable but reachable goal of 10000? No we don’t. Do we want to miss the chance of me flirting with you using Sims chat up lines, and me serenading you with acapella N-Dubz songs, and us dreaming of achieving our one ambition of creating a Scouting For Girls tribute act? No we definitely don’t. Do you seriously want to miss the chance of a repear performance of me borrowing a homeless man's guitar to perform Adele on Bold Street again? Definitely definitely definitely not. But that’s enough of speculating what we would miss out on if we didn’t share this special night together, let’s have a realistic look at the events that will take place. We will begin the night with snapchatting each other in various states of getting ready, the classic after shower selfie followed by the classic I can’t be bothered to get ready selfie followed by the finished product selfie of us looking semi classy and dignified, before we fuck shit up. And by shit I completely mean our lives and any image we ever had of being a respectable human being. I’ll be getting my hair done on this Friday, which means you definitely can’t miss it as I might look somewhat groomed and like a decent human being tonight which will be nice for us all. Then we have the wonder of predrinks. This is the time to shine. The time to have that semi drunk heart to heart with the girl you never talk to about their failed hopes and dreams, whilst repeatedly informing them you're totally sober. The time to tell someone vaguely familiar about who you now like only to realise the day after that they were the completely the wrong person to tell and now the whole group knows. The time to gather together and belt out a few girlband classics because this is now an ultimate girl's night out with all the girl power because the drunkest girl has announced she's now single so you have to shout GNO a few times and stick on Spice Girls to make her feel better about herself. And then there's the taxi drama because someone will always order too many or too few which leaves 3 rogue people wandering the mean streets of Childwall trying to find one. Now unfortunately this week we can’t do this from the comfort of one of our homes this week, but this just spells the start of a brand new adventure. I know you’re excited. Chances are predrinks will take place in Scream, now known as The Hope & Anchor. They got a new interior design and now think they’re classy. Bless them. But the wine isn’t too badly priced and badly tasting so we can cope with it. The toilets are upstairs but you can’t have it all. Then we will dance our little feet into town to NOT go to the Raz first, because I'm a girl with self control. I’m feeling Cinema Paradiso for once in my life. We'll go to a club, and then I'll have one drink and decide I'm bored and find a fellow bored boy or gal and drag them the Raz with me early. And then 2 hours later everyone will join me, when I've already found a group of poor strangers who have to deal with my drunken anecdotes. But this is when we truly get our chance to shine. The music will be blaring, one from the 60s, 70s, 80s 90s and then some from the 00s. You know the drill. We all do. It brings the only sense of order to the night. Along with knowing we will see some distant face from your past escapades there. And if it’s a guy who's "afterparty" you all went to the week before then I need some back up. Because if I start the Faraday road banter alone I will never survive. He nearly killed me when I was rolling round his floor clutching my one true love, that can of Fosters – so this week he will definitely take one sharp swipe at me. So what I’m saying is I need you there with me. I want you there with me. I crave your company. When the drinks start flowing, and the music starts playing, I want to dance my little heart out with you and take the piss out of people in the smoking area. So let’s do it. You’re essentially my husband or wife (delete as appropriate) without the gay bits (or with them, never say never, although in some cases I'm definitely saying never) Let’s have the night of our lives and make some beautiful memories. Don’t tell me no. Don’t break my heart. Let’s do it.

So if you've read this and feel even slightly tempted to go out, do it. And if you somewhat know me and I have your number, bless your hearts because you will be getting a text tomorrow. I wish you all the luck in the world if you refuse to go out. 

And finally, a massive massive massive thank you to anyone who has read this, or read any of the posts, you're my favourite people ever. And if you've ever come to me and told me you read the blog, or commented on social media then I genuinely love you forever. And if you've ever shared any post ever then you are the greatest people to have ever walked on this ever. All this support means the world and I hope you'll all continue to support this little thing. Don't forget to join our Facebook on https://www.facebook.com/fatfunnyfabulous or Twitter on @fatfunnybecca 

And if you want me to fall in love with you forever then please don't hesitate to share this blog anywhere and everywhere!

Stay Sassy xo